Psychologist Daniel Kahneman writes in his book Thinking, Fast and Slow that people tend to exaggerate the importance of current events and forget that many things will no longer matter in the future. This can lead to negative emotions and the perception that everything is falling apart. However, here are eight common things in life that are often exaggerated in our minds.
Mistakes made
When we make mistakes, we tend to feel guilty or ashamed of our actions and ruminate on them for a long time. But the truth is, you are not alone in these difficult moments. We all make mistakes, and it is from our failures that we learn and grow. Sometimes, we are so focused on the outcome that we forget that the process is what matters most.
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Everyone has moments of weakness in life and it is necessary for us to develop our perspective and thinking. Mistakes do not reduce your value, on the contrary, when you have the courage to overcome them, it proves that you are extremely strong and resilient. After a year, you will realize that that stumble not only makes you more aware of yourself but also becomes valuable luggage, helping you avoid making the same mistake many times.
Not in control of everything
Over time, we tend to change the way we perceive things that happen around us. A long-term relationship ends; getting fired; not finding a job that suits you… all of these unfortunate events are just vague memories of the past when you find something better suited for you at some point in your life. If you are grieving over a breakup today, think of yourself as deserving of better things in life, until someone better comes into your life, and you will feel grateful that the pain you went through brought you to your current happy destination. We often want things to go according to plan, but reality is not always the way we expect. When we try to control everything, we inadvertently put more pressure on ourselves and increase our stress and anxiety levels. Life is always moving and changing quickly, so you should listen to your inner voice, think and re-evaluate what has passed. From there, you can look at the problem more objectively and realize that sometimes missing something does not mean you have failed. Perhaps, the universe is preparing a more suitable plan for you, and all you need to do is try your best for the goals you have set.
What others think of you
Have you ever heard the phrase “Truman Show”? It comes from a famous movie of the same name starring Jim Carrey, and has had a profound influence since its release. The movie was so successful that it created the concept of “Truman Show” to describe the feeling of being watched and worrying about how others judge you. This is a state equivalent to the Spotlight Effect, which occurs when you focus too much on yourself and think that everyone is paying attention to you. From there, you always pressure yourself to do everything well, not to make mistakes, and easily feel guilty for not meeting the expectations of people around you.
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To overcome this mental barrier, you need to realize that everyone has their own problems to worry about, so much so that they don’t have much time to focus and evaluate your life. A good example to remind yourself of is that social media posts or short stories are often viewed the most by the person who posted them. This helps you realize that most of the attention you think others give you is subjective.
So what people say about you today will probably be forgotten in a few months or years. Time passes, and interests change. Everyone has their own goals and concerns, and no one will care about what you did. So be confident in doing what makes you happy, even if it is silly or thought of as unrealistic, as long as it does not cause any harm. Because you only live once, live your life to the fullest.
The little things
Sometimes, the little annoyances in life pile up and make you feel like everything is against you. But in that moment, you can find the hidden strength and motivation to break through. You can imagine that it is like you are walking on a forest trail. On that path, there will be small pebbles under your feet. When you only focus on those pebbles, you will feel that your steps are heavy and difficult. But if you do not focus too much on that pain, you will see the whole beautiful long road ahead of you.
Letting go of what bothers us frees us from unnecessary anxiety. As we move forward, petty mistakes and guilt give way to more important and proud accomplishments.
Lost Opportunities
Just because a seed doesn’t sprout doesn’t mean the entire field is barren and abandoned. Likewise, missed opportunities can be regretful, but they shouldn’t be a barrier to better things that lie ahead. If you stay stuck in the past, you’ll only regret the present in the future, and your thoughts will be filled with “if only,” “what if,” and “wish.” This can make it difficult to enjoy the present moment or recognize new opportunities that are around you.
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Not everything we miss is the worst. In fact, it is difficult to know in advance what the best opportunities are because there is no specific criteria to determine that. Missing something like a job or a relationship may just be a stepping stone to a better turning point. Make the most of what you have and be open to what is new. Remember that sometimes you can’t force what you want because the universe may be protecting you, and the loss itself is part of that plan.
Perfectionism
When we always strive for perfection, we easily fall into a spiral of self-deprecation, making it easy for you to feel like a failure and have low self-esteem when you don’t achieve goals that are too far away, even though you are fully capable of achieving success. This not only affects our mental health, but also hinders our creativity and development.
In fact, perfection is an abstract concept, often influenced by personal views and social norms, and can change over time. What was considered perfect in the past may no longer be suitable for the current context. Trying to meet and pursue “perfection” can create a feeling of dissatisfaction and pressure, so you should learn to accept and love “imperfections” so that you can live more freely, comfortably and happily. This does not mean that we give up on self-development. On the contrary, being open to accepting each mistake or failure will bring valuable lessons, making us mature and become stronger in the future.
Concerns about the future
Have you ever worried about the future as if you were at a major crossroads and all the paths were unclear? Often, we tend to seek stability because we are in our familiar comfort zone. So if something unexpected happens, negative scenarios start to arise in our minds, making us afraid of making mistakes or failing.
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This can be explained by the fact that you are under a lot of pressure, expectations from society, family and strict standards set by yourself. From there, you start to think that every decision must be perfect, otherwise you will become a failure and not worthy of what you want. However, you are not alone in experiencing these feelings. Sometimes, the ambiguous period in life is a valuable opportunity for you to rest and reconsider everything carefully. Therefore, learning to treat yourself gently and listen to your inner voice will be an effective way for you to get out of this state. Life does not always go as planned, and maybe a year later, the things you worry about today will become so small that they are insignificant.
What people think about me
Debbie Sorensen, a Harvard-trained psychologist, PhD, points out that people-pleasers are more likely to burn out because they have difficulty setting boundaries and often take on too much responsibility for themselves, which leads to chronic stress.
At the same time, she advises that if you encounter this situation, you should focus on protecting your own energy instead of taking on things that are not really necessary. Besides, you can change your current expectations to match reality to avoid overload and stress. This not only helps you protect your mental health but also makes you more satisfied with your achievements, thereby easily feeling joy and moving forward step by step.